Reflection
by RenegadeMage
Summary: Many judge Merrill for the choices she has made. Many call her a fool, naive. But none have wanted to know what drove her to make those choices. Everyone has their own story; and hers has yet to be told.
1. Melava

_Melava- Time_

The clearing beside the mountain that day was exceptionally warm. How unlike Ferelden, the young elf thought as she paced back and forth. It had been near over two years since the clan had moved north to escape the Blight. The Keeper had all intentions of returning once news had spread of the Archdemon's defeat, but as fate would have it, the Creators had different plans for the Sabrea clan.

Stranded without their Halla, the elves were forced to stay longer than they desired. Kirkwall was not a welcoming land. Especially for magic born elves. Despite the dangers, it had become apparent as time passed, that the Keeper had no intentions of leaving Kirkwall until her task was done. Though, not many knew what this mysterious task was.

Merrill sighed. She wanted to return to camp, but knew she had to remain at the foot of the mountain. Just as Marethari had instructed. Apparently, this was the day Merrill had been silently dreading, the day she was to leave her clan. Her family.

_Not that they ever thought of me as much of a family member. More like a painfully useless burden…_

She sighed and leaned against a nearby boulder. The day was quickly getting by, and no sign of the mystery being she was to escort. Not that Merrill had any idea what to expect of course, perhaps the person had passed while she wasn't paying attention?

_Elgar'nan! What if I missed my chance!_

No, she was sure none had passed. Positive, well…. Somewhat positive. Almost certain. Still, she silently panicked she would have to remain on Sundermount. Though she worried what her life would be like within the city walls, she knew there was no other choice. The ultimatum was too hard. She had to complete her quest, for the sake of her people.

And what if this mystery person refused to take her? What if it was an elf hating Shem? Or a slaver? Or Templar? What if Merrill was about to be thrown violently into a trap. No, Marethari would know better. Apparently, the Creators had played a part in who was to be sent, so said her Keeper. Only time would tell, Merrill thought.

She nervously played with the scarf draped snuggly around her slender neck. The fabric warn and faded, yet the elf never removed it. Not since that fateful day. It had been so long since she bade farewell to the only one she had ever truly felt connected with. Felt accepted among. And yet, it still pained her as if she had said goodbye that morning. So many things unsaid, so much she wanted to tell him…

No, she thought. There was still time. Perhaps, one day the Dalish Warden would return to his clan. And then, Merrill would be able to return as well. But, what if he didn't welcome her… after all she had done.

She had to try and push that thought aside, lest her tears get the better of her once more. It had been two years since Caldir Mahariel was forced to leave the Sabrae clan. Cursed and doomed to die, unless he became a fabled 'Grey Warden'. Merrill had been told stories of the Warden's, it sounded all too dangerous. The day the hunter left, the clan mourned his leaving as if the elf had already died.

Not Merrill though, she refused to say goodbye. He would come back, she knew he would. He had promised he would. The memory burned painfully in her mind.

…

"_But the Keeper, she cured you…"_

"_Only for a time, Lethalan. The taint will eventually take me."_

"_I don't trust that, that… Shem. What if he is just trying to take you from us? To fight in his Shemlen war."_

_Caldir chuckled slightly at the smaller elf's use of the insulting title._

"_Mythal, weren't you the one who lectured Tamlen and I on the use of the word? 'Shem is a misused term, they are called humans'. I believe you said." He grinned that same smug grin she had come to adore._

"_Be serious, Lethalin! What if… what if…" tears began brimming her eyes. Sighing, Caldir placed a hand upon her small shoulders. _

"_Merrill… You know perfectly well, the Blight will affect us as much as any Shemlen…human, village. Keeper seems to trust him, and I must do as she wishes."_

_Merrill stared into the elven hunters dark green eyes, desperate to say what her heart longed. Desperate to keep the only part of her world that ever made any sense._

"_Don't go…" she said through pained breath._

"_I wish…" the elf ran his slender fingers through his short spiked mane. "In another life… I would have done anything to stay… But I cannot be what you need, Lethalan. I never could… I'm sorry… it is because of me that Tamlen is gone, it is because of me you will never be bonded." The hunter's voice cracked._

"_It was never Tamlen I desired…" _

_Merrill cursed herself, her selfish nature always got the better of her when it came to Caldir. Hearing her words Caldir looked painfully to her, she instantly regretted her selfish needs. Their friends suspected death still fresh in their hearts. _

"_In another life…" Caldir cupped the young mages cheek, eyes locked on her. "Sahlin, Ma vhenan'ara…"_

_He gently stroked her cheek, her eyes begging for him to stay. A desperate plea she knew he could never answer. Without another word, Caldir removed the ragged cloth from around his neck, pulling and tugging clumsily at the green fabric. He was never that graceful, for an elf._

_Holding it in his hands for one last time, he placed a kiss on the scarf. Then stepping forward, he wrapped it around the confused Merrill's elegant neck. She looked down at it, thumbing the corners of the fabric absentmindedly. It smelt heavenly of the young hunters scent; like morning dew on fresh grass. _

_She looked to him, eyes full of pain and confusion. Why did he do this? Give her the only thing the hunter had of his mother. What he held dearest to his heart. _

"_Sulevin?" was all she could mutter, unsure if he knew himself what he was promising. _

"_Ma'arlath…" he breathed, stepping closer. Merrill's eyes widened with each word and moment his body drew closer. "Emm'asha…"_

_Then, closing that small gap the two elves shared, Caldir did what neither dared all those years to do. He kissed the shy and somewhat bossy mage. There, away from prying and judging eyes, the hunter shared with the First a truth he had been dying to tell. How desperately he loved Merrill. Their kiss was sweet and attentive, unsure and clumsy. And yet, completely perfect. Innocent. A first kiss… which would be a last…_

_This, was the last time Merrill saw her brave hunter. _

…

Merrill shook away the painful memory, two years ago and it still broke her heart. So many of the clan elders tried to help her grieve, many believed she was broken by the disappearance of her betrothed Tamlen. It was only Marethari who was the wiser. The young elf had always been so grateful to her Keeper for never pressing the subject. She often wondered if the wise elder had always known where Merrill's heart belonged. If so, why she never did anything about it? Just another mystery to the Keeper, Merrill was sure to never learn.

She sighed, thumbing her scarf, desperately clinging to smell a familiar scent. A scent long gone and replaced with her own. The only thing she had left of her beloved, and it no longer truly belonged to him. She wasn't even certain if he lived or not. No, she couldn't ponder that thought, not today. Not ever.

Slumping onto the ground as a wave of self-pity took over, Merrill felt a light jab to her side. Painfully, she winced at the prick. Blood had unintentionally been drawn. She could feel the slight stinging sensation, and the familiar rush she had come to crave. Such power her elven blood held.

Gently, trying hard not to jab herself further, Merrill pulled forth the item causing the pain. A small shard of a broken mirror. But no ordinary mirror glass. Oh no, something far more precious. Staring onto the shard, the elf remembered how lucky she was to spot it before Caldir insisted they left the dark cave. She had hidden it from her dearest one, for fear of his reaction.

A small slither of her blood had trickled onto the mirrors shard. The thick liquid seemed to somehow spring the magic within the mirrors reflection to life. For a brief moment, Merrill saw something. A startling thought, considering in the years she owned it, not once had she seen anything reflect within the glass. Despite doubting her sanity, there it was again. A flash of something. Light, colour, shapes.

Merrill cocked her head to the side, studying the light dance off the once dark shard. It was amazing to behold. How could people say blood magic was evil, if it created something so beautiful? Perhaps, this was just what she needed. She had only begun to understand the powers her blood held, it seemed this might have been the answer she needed.

"Is someone there?" Merrill heard a deep stern voice echo around the boulders.

The small framed elf jumped at the unfamiliar sound. Glancing over her shoulders, she noticed she was in fact not alone. Merrill tucked her precious shard away, making sure this time it wouldn't cut through fabric. Scrambling to her feet, she stared startled at the ones who approached her.

Three Shemlens, one male and two female, and a Durgen'len. The Dwarf carried a glorious crossbow, and seemed to smile widely at Merrill. The taller of the women, a broad soldier with fiery red hair stood towards the back dressed in fine armor with a stern look. The smaller and obviously younger of the woman smiled kindly, Merrill thought it was kindly anyway. Her long black hair flowed carelessly to her shoulders. She was roughly the elf's age, but was beyond stunning in appearance. Merrill couldn't help but compare herself. Feeling her heart fall at how plain she must appear.

"Oh… I didn't hear…" she barely spoke out, nervous over the stranger's sudden arrival.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Merrill was brought back to the present, she had completely forgotten the apparent leader of these travelers who was speaking with her.

A seemingly tall man, with golden hair combed back neatly, stood to the front of his companions. Dressed in black leather with furred armor, with two golden handled daggers sheathed on his back. Something about this man made Merrill feel extremely nervous, he seemed more dangerous than those he traveled with. Well-armed and no doubt a very experienced fighter.

The way he stood reminded her of the Shem grey Warden all those years ago, the one who stole her beloved. Something about both of them gave off a feeling of command. He stood proud and to attention, it was obvious this man was of military training. He was very intimidating. And yet, his face seemed gentle, kind and warm. Despite the worry line frozen above his brow.

His chiseled face held slight markings of previous fights, including a rather deep gash across his lips. A cleanly shaven face, prim and proper, like his combed hair. He was rather ruggedly handsome, for a Shem anyway. Not that Merrill was noticing that, rather she was growing even more nervous that this man would be accompanying her. His dark blue eyes twinkled as he studied Merrill's face. Merrill couldn't help but stare. He seemed to do the same.

It wasn't until the dwarf made a small cough, did Merrill realize what she was doing. Not the best way to make an impression.

_Stay calm Merrill, speak clearly. Don't ramble. And don't call them Shem's, Fenarel said they don't like that… and stop staring, or do I keep staring? How do I greet them? Do we bow or something? No, bowing to a human is bad… apparently. It means different to humans… Creators Merrill say something! Oh, right._

"You must be the one the Keeper told me about, Aneth era." She smiled, deciding to go with a greeting she was comfortable with. Although, she was unsure if it was right. "I'm so sorry! I didn't ask your name… unless, it's not rude to ask a human their name is it? I'm Merrill… which you probably knew already… I'm rambling, sorry…"

_Well done Merrill. By the Dread Wolf, this is harder than I thought…_

The man did not seem to be insulted, in fact his small smile seemed to become genuine rather than forced. His eyes softened and his shoulders slumped, he seemed to ease up and become comfortable. Rather odd reaction, Merrill thought.

"You will have to work harder than that to offend me." He half laughed, a deep chuckle. "My names Hawke." The smaller female gave the man a sharp jab in the ribs. "Err…Jasper, Jasper Hawke."

_What an odd sort of thing to do to your leader. Perhaps they are friends, and that is a friendly thing to do? I wonder why he said his first name so awkwardly. It is a rather nice one, I like it. It's pretty, for a human name. I have never heard it before, I wonder if it's a common human name. It suits him. Not that I think he's pretty… oh great now I'm staring_ _again._

"Thank you." She said with a nervous smile. "I'm afraid, I'm not very experienced with your kind." The man, Hawke, err Jasper, nodded. This seemed to help ease Merrill's worries. "The Keeper said you are from Ferelden. I spent most of my life there, we only came north a few years ago… have you been in the Free Marches long? Do you like it here?"

_Creators Merrill! Why are you pestering him?_

"I miss the cold." The man cheekily grinned. "And the dirt. Kirkwall's not brown enough for me. But hey, no darkspawn." He shrugged casually.

_What an odd thing to say. Is that a serious idea, or is he being sarcastic? Oh Creators, my luck I am to accompany a human that I cannot understand. Or perhaps he was being serious, in that case Ferelden wasn't that bad… oh right, he can't hear me. _

"Ferelden wasn't that brown." Merrill defended. "The dirt and muck gave it character…." Merrill seemed to suddenly get lost in the deep sea eyes of the man she was discussing the texture of earth with. Stupid, she thought. "Uh, we should go. Your task is for Asha'bellanar. It's not wise to make her wait."

_The sooner we get this ritual over with, the sooner I can continue my task. Hopefully, this man will be what the Keeper said he would be. The key to all my answers. I can't quite see him answering many questions, unless they are funny ones. He seems rather funny, or maybe he is being serious. I think he's funny. Not in a bad way, of course. _

**Translations:**

**Elgar'nan:** spirit of vengeance, sometimes used as a curse word  
**Shem/Shemlen:** insulting word for human, but translates properly into 'quick children'  
**Lethalan**: term for close female friend  
**Lethalin: **term for close male friend  
**Mythal:** One of their Creator God's  
**Sahlin, Ma vhenan'ara:** Now, in this moment, my heart's desire  
**Sulevin?:** certain?  
**Ma'arlath:** I love you  
**Emm'asha:** my girl  
**Durgen'len:** children of the stone; dwarf  
**Aneth era:** a friendly greeting  
**Asha'bellanar:** 'Woman of many years' Dalish name for Flemeth


	2. Arla

_Arla-Home_

Merrill checked once more everything she needed was inside her pack. Her books, herbs, what few clothes she had, all her tools. Everything, or so it seemed.

_Mythal! I know I am forgetting something. Wonder what it must be, surely nothing of importance. Otherwise I wouldn't be forgetting it._

She looked around the rather large, well lit room at the Hanged Man. Her new companion offered her his room for a chance to 'freshen up' while he organized a permanent place for her residence.

_I wonder what freshen up means. A rather strange term, does he mean I do not seem fresh? Fresh like a flower perhaps? But I'm not a flower, so how could I be fresh like one? I must ask him when I see him….what was his name again? Verner? Verril? Varry? V something, I am sure. _

Regardless, the dwarf seemed rather friendly. The entire walk from Sundermount he asked Merrill all sorts of questions and spoke very politely to her. Well, she assumed he was being polite. His companions barely said anything to her. She worried she had offended them in some way. Their leader seemed especially cautious. Despite saying he had no problem with blood magic, she knew he had been startled by her use of it.

_He just doesn't understand. But that's okay, he doesn't have to._

Merrill had learnt the man she would accompany, (_What was his name? A bird name, I think)_ was in fact the older brother of an apostate mage, Bethany, whom she met on the mountain. Because of this, he was willing to help a fellow mage, even if said mage dabbled in forbidden magic. He even admitted that her blood magic had indeed helped them. How odd, Merrill thought. She had yet to meet someone who didn't judge her on her use of magic, she never considered a human would be fine with it. Or at least, attempt to see her views.

She heard a polite tap on the door. She stared at it, unsure what the knocking meant. Must have been another custom she had never seen in practice. Aravel's did not have wooden doors.

"Are you decent, Merrill?" the dwarf asked cautiously. "Just me, Varric."

Merrill ran to the door and opened it enthusiastically, startling the rather rugged dwarf.

_Varric! That's it!_

"Am I decent at what?" she asked with a smile. "Does this have something to do with being fresh?"

"Um, just an expression." Varric chuckled.

"Does it have something to do with flowers?" Merrill cocked her head.

"I'm not really sure where it came from. Perhaps it did once relate to flowers." Varric smiled. "It would make sense."

"But I'm not a flower. I'm an elf." Merrill laughed, thinking how silly the saying was.

"That you are." Varric laughed with her. "Although, you seem rather sweet like a little flower. Like a little daisy."

"Oh, thank you." Merrill blushed at the random compliment. She wondered if such exchanges were normal.

"We have found a place for you in the Alienage. Hawke is waiting there now, making sure no one takes it. When you are ready, I can escort you?" he smiled, showing his perfectly straight teeth.

_Hawke, that was his name. I like it, reminds me of the birds. I like hawks, they make me think of griffons. _

"Oh, that would be nice. Ma Serannas, Varric." Merrill grabbed her bag and staff. With one final look inside the room, she shook her head.

"Forgetting something?" Varric asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Must be nothing." She waved off. "Otherwise, I wouldn't forget it. It mustn't be all that important to remember in the first place. That must be why some things get forgotten easily. That is kind of sad though, what if it was important, and now it feels bad because it thinks it wasn't important enough to be remembered…I'm babbling, sorry, let's go."

"Haha, don't worry about it." The friendly dwarf began to lead her through the almost empty bar.

Merrill looked around with wide eyes at the sights before her. The floorboards were covered in red splattered marks. Paint, Merrill thought, wondering why the painter was so clumsy. Sitting lazily at a few tables were several men and woman, beginning their early afternoon merrymaking. Their songs echoed in the near quiet pub. Several barmaids shook their heads and handed them their drinks, then returned to cleaning empty tables. Merrill smiled, the patrons seemed so happy. She was curious as to what wonderful thing happened to them to make them so joyous.

_What a lovely little place. I wonder if I can come back here some time. Maybe I too can have such fun, like they are. This must be a normal thing, I like it. Maybe I should ask Varric._

"Varric?" She asked, walking a little faster to catch up with her escort.

"Aye?"

"Can I come back here, once I'm settled in of course?" she asked shyly. "If that's okay with you."

"I don't own the place Merrill." He chuckled. "If you want to come here and get knocked on your ass, go for it kiddo. Just…let myself or Hawke know when you want to come, okay?"

"Whys that?" she asked curious.

"Place can get a little…rowdy. Hate to see someone get a little pushy with you." Varric shrugged. "How about this, once your settled, I invite the whole gang together and we can all have a 'welcome to Kirkwall party' in your honor?"

"Oh, that would be lovely. But you don't have to, I don't want to be any trouble. Or to bother anyone."

Varric chuckled and waved her off. He held the exit door open for her, another strange custom Merrill had never seen before. Again, that was because doors were not a common thing amongst elven clans.

On Merrill and Varric walked through the dirty, busy streets. Varric had informed her the place they currently were in was called 'Lowtown'. Merrill wondered why it was so low, and could it be brought up more. A few times Varric had to stop and make sure his elven companion was still following. Merrill was easily distracted by all the strange and new things she saw. At one point, an oddly dressed woman pulled her aside and asked if she was willing to pay for a 'tumble'. Merrill wasn't sure why the lady wanted her to pay for a fight. So much she was unsure of. Though it was exciting, it only made her realize just how deeply she was out of her element.

"Here we are." Varric finally said with a rather sad voice. "Kirkwall's Alienage."

Merrill took in the sight before her. They had entered a small cluster of buildings, sealed off with large pointed gates. She wondered why the elves needed such big pointy gates, were they often attacked by wolves? That was the only reason her clan ever built gates and pens, to keep their Halla safe.

The buildings were cramped together and placed atop one and other. No doubt a family had a level each. Several little elven children played by a large tree. How lovely, she thought when she took in the sight of the massive tree. At least she had a bit of forest close to her house.

Many elves walked past her, all staring with both distrust and anger. It was becoming rather clear she was not really welcomed. Her markings would set her apart from the other elves, they knew she was not one of them. She was Dalish, she had been warned how other elves viewed her 'kind'. No, she thought, they were still her people.

Suddenly, she heard shouting. Several elves had broken into a fight amongst themselves by a small stall. She stared wide eyed in disbelief. One of the elves began accusing the other of stealing, a huge fight ensued. Such violence, the young elf had never seen displayed among her own kind. Never, had she seen an elf strike a fellow elf in hate. At that moment, she knew this was not a happy place.

"Elgar'nan…" she breathed. "Is this… is this really where the elves live?"

Varric said something to try and reassure the startled elven girl, but she barely heard him. The sight of violence, filth, fear, it was all growing a bit much. Maybe this was a bad idea, she thought.

"I didn't think it would be so… so…" she stuttered. "I have never seen so many people in one place before…" she watched the fight break apart, the men went about their business as if nothing happened. "It all seems so…lonely."

"You already know me, you'll make other friends soon enough." A rather rugged voice sounded behind the dazed elf.

She jumped, startled. Turning, she was forced to look up to the man who spoke with her. It was the man Hawke, still dressed in his fur and leather armor, but now he carried a large bow and quiver. He smiled down at her. She felt her cheeks redden.

"Sorry to startle you." He chuckled nervously, running his fingers through his slick blond hair. "Here, you must have dropped this on the way to the city." He handed her a small purse.

"Oh, I…thank you…" she realized this was what she had forgotten. The small amount of money she had earned working for Master Ilen the past few weeks. It was supposed to be enough to help her till she found work.

"Seemed a little light, so I added something extra." He shrugged. "To say thanks for helping me out on the mountain."

"Naw Hawke, you big generous softie." Varric teased.

"Shut up you." The man Hawke chuckled.

"Ma Serannas, Hawke." Merrill smiled gratefully. "I will repay you as soon as I can."

"No need." He waved off. "Not sure what _'ma ser-anna-mas'_ means… but don't mention it."

"Oi, Jasper!" a woman's voice echoed through a nearby house. "Quit flirting and let the girl see her new house!"

"Hey Beth, why don't you go jump off the docks?" Hawke chuckled. "Or better yet, go give Gamlen a sponge bath?"

"You're sick!" Bethany shouted back.

_They are rather strange. Perhaps that is how human siblings speak with each other? Reminds me a little of how Fenarel and Gailiel would play fight. Although, we later found out those two were more than friends. They were so cute. So… this is nothing like what they acted like._

_I wonder what 'flirting' is? Must be when you give someone money and be nice to them. Maybe I should 'flirt', seems like a rather pleasant thing. Oh right, he is looking at me now…_

"Well…" he said rather awkwardly. "Let me show you to your new 'home'." He tried to act enthusiastic. "Then we'll leave you to settle in."

"I…thank you…" she smiled, remembering to not speak in elven. "Thank you for everything. For all your help."

"Bah, don't mention it." He waved off, his cheeks reddened a little. "I didn't do all that much."

"No, he didn't." Varric winked playfully.

"We did most of the organizing!" Bethany shouted.

"Hey! I lifted the heavy stuff." Hawke protested. "I also suggested where to get the good furniture."

"Actually, I think that was Aveline. You said to go to that dodgy place in Lowtown, she organized a nicer one." Varric smirked. "Being friends with Guard Captain-to-be has its perks."

"Don't let her catch you saying that." Hawke chuckled.

"Wait… you all bought me furniture?" Merrill gasped. "But that… you used your own money?"

"Not really." Varric chuckled. "Hawke knows a few people who owes a favor or two. Stick with us Daisy and we'll help you out."

"Daisy?" Hawke raised an eyebrow. Varric shrugged.

Chuckling slightly, Hawke showed Merrill to the entrance of her new house. The outside seemed a little rundown. The man muttered something about being a 'fixer-up-er'. She wasn't sure what that meant.

"Will you all come and visit me?" Merrill asked hopefully to her new friends. "Not now of course, but maybe later?" she turned to Hawke and looked up with pleading eyes. "I could use a friend."

The tall man seemed a little stunned by her reaction. But his eyes warmed and he smiled down.

"Of course." He chuckled with a grin. "But only because you used that 'you kicked my puppy' voice."

"But… I don't have a puppy…" she scratched her head. "Oh right…not literally… Thank you." She smiled. "Oh, I'm thanking you too much now aren't I?"

"I could stand to hear it a few more times." He winked playfully.

"Don't encourage him Daisy, you'll make his head grow bigger than it already is." Varric chuckled.

"I mean it though." Merrill graciously took hold of the big man's hand and smiled. He blushed.

"Oh, it's okay…don't worry about it." he stiffened. "Well… we better leave you to it." He flinched his hand away and placed it in his pocket. "Since your new around here, I want you to have this." He pulled out a small golden whistle and handed it to the elf.

"What is this for?" she studied the pretty instrument.

"I only live around the corner." He shrugged. "If you need help, or get lost…or anything, just give it a blow. My Mabari will hear it and alert me."

"Ooh, you have a Mabari?" Merrill grinned. "I love dogs."

"I'll be sure to bring him around some time." Hawke grinned. "His name is Brutus. He likes to be admired, gets it from Beth."

"But what if another Mabari hears it?" she continued to study the pretty trinket.

"Not this particular whistle. I have used it with him since he was a pup, his senses are finely tuned to it. Beth used to use it…long story… But yeah, just be sure to call us if you need help. Okay?"

"I will. Thank…" she stopped, blushing a little. Hawke just grinned.

"Don't mention it."

With that Hawke began to walk off towards the Alienage gates. Varric waved to Merrill and proceeded to leave also. Bethany came running out, she handed Merrill a key and grinned.

"Hope you like your new home." She smiled. "See you later Merrill." Then ran after her brother.

Merrill stared after them for a few moments, grateful to have been blessed by the Creators in meeting such amazingly kind people. She didn't feel quite as alone anymore.

She headed into the house she was shown to be hers. She lit the small lantern by the entrance, allowing the room to light up. It wasn't as huge as Varric's room, but it was beyond large compared to the small Avarvel she grew up in. A large fireplace roared by the wall. Inside the room she spotted a huge table with some nice chairs, a desk, and several cupboards and shelves. There was even a nice red rug laid out on the floor. She excitedly explored her new house, making sure to close the door before leaving the room. She recalled Varric mentioning earlier to always keep the front door locked.

Her eyes widened when she spotted a large bed in the corner of a smaller room. She never owned one before. With a wide grin she threw her pack and staff to the ground and leapt on the bed. It was soft and bouncy, like nothing she had ever slept on before.

_This doesn't seem so bad. I have a nice little house, more than anything I could have ever needed or desired, and more importantly… I have friends. _

She smiled. Perhaps leaving her clan wouldn't be as hard as she thought. She never truly belonged with her people, it only became clear when…when Caldir left. She didn't have anything holding her to stay. She had to do this, for herself, for Caldir, but more importantly, for her people. Seeing now how elves in the cities lived only made her more determined.

After everything Caldir Mahariel had done for her and for their people, she owed him this much. The young hunter always dreamed they would one day recover something of their peoples past. Anything, just enough to help them rebuild. To unite the clans, and the city dwellers. To regain their heritage.

Someone, had to put an end to their mistreatment. Elves needed to recover a part of their legacy, and she knew how to do it. Thanks to Tamlen and Caldir's sacrifices. She would both avenge them and treasure their memories. All would know of what they lost, and they would be grateful for it. Her dearest friends would be heroes among their people.

It was okay if her people didn't understand right then, when she fixed everything, it wouldn't matter. Dalish and city elf would be able to live together. And even live happily amongst humans. Especially now that she knew there were kind humans, like the man Hawke.


	3. Serannas

_Serannas- Grateful_

The elven mage flipped rather angrily through her tomes. She knew what she needed, and the books the Keeper had allowed her to take were far from it. She cursed, that was Marethari's plan. Still, she continued to read word after word in the spell book, surely there must have been something of use.

For some time, Merrill had been trying to find information to help further her study of the artifact. So far, the closest she came to learning of its existence was a brief description and translation from Elvhen. Not entirely of use.

"Eluvian; ancient mirror or 'looking glass'." She read aloud. "In the times of the Dales, these mirrors were used as a way to communicate with Elvhen brethren from afar. It is said, they were also used as a gateway..."

She attempted to translate several words that followed, but they seemed a little out of her range of knowledge. Which was saying something, Merrill's Elvhen was near perfection. Caldir often praised how beautifully the words rolled off her tongue, how proud she should be to speak the language of their ancestors so fluent.

"Creators!" she slammed the book shut. This was useless. She already knew this, it was the exact answer the Keeper gave her when she asked. What she wanted to know, was how it worked.

Rising up, the elf began to pace back and forth in front of her fireplace. That was becoming a habit the past few days, how easily this was rendering her frustrated. She was getting nowhere, and slowly.

Words echoed in her mind. Words of warning, by a source that should not be taken lightly.

_"__Step carefully. No path is darker, than when your eyes are shut…" _

Merrill played the words over and over in her mind. She had been given a great gift from Asha'bellanar, a gift not many were lucky enough to receive. It is legend amongst the Dalish of the Witches power to see beyond what others knew. To see things long before their time. What could she have meant, Merrill pondered.

Eventually, she pushed the thoughts aside. Something to think of another time, right now she had to continue her own task. Striding over to her desk, she began following the outlines she traced onto one of her many maps. She tried to remain focused, despite feeling a small stab of sadness remembering the course she plotted.

It had been some time since the young elf had been in her birth land of Ferelden. And even longer since she was in the Bricillian Forest. Forever more, that land would be a painful memory of her past life. A memory of her past love.

_Focus Merrill. Yes, of course. _

She returned to following the coordinates. It would be some time before she could afford to return and search the ruins. It wasn't even certain what she was seeking remained behind. It had been so long.

_Perhaps Varric will help me. I'm not very good with 'expeditions'. He mentioned his brother was organizing one. Or maybe Hawke can help me. Oh, I don't want to bother them, they have been so nice and helpful. _

Merrill jumped at the sound of a tapping on her door. She ran to the door, both excited with the idea of a visitor and nervous as to who it could be.

"Who…who is it?" she asked through the locked door.

"It's Hawke, Merrill." The kind yet deep voice sounded. "Sorry to bother you-"

Merrill happily yanked the door open, startling her visitor. He stood awkwardly in the entrance way. He was dressed casually in a white tunic with tan pants and his usual black boots. His two golden daggers clung proudly to his belt. He smiled coyly, Merrill grinned over enthusiastically.

"I didn't think you'd come!" she exclaimed. "Please, come in."

The rather large man was forced to duck his head in order to enter the small framed door. He looked around and smiled.

"You have certainly settled in nicely." he noticed the many books about. "Sorry to call on you like this, uninvited…" he combed his hair with his large hand.

"But I did invite you." She cocked her head. "You said you would come see me. And you did." She grinned.

"Oh, right." He laughed. "I meant right now…uh, never mind. I just thought I would come and see how you were travelling."

"Where am I travelling to?" Merrill sounded a little uncertain. "Can I not stay here anymore?"

"Oh, no, I didn't mean…" Hawke waved his hands about. "Sorry, just a human expression. I meant to see how you are coping."

"Oh, very well, thank you." She smiled. "Here, I'll find something relatively clean for you to sit on."

She walked over to her large table, the surface was completely covered in books and tools. She began to panic, worried what Hawke must have thought of her cleanliness. If she had known he was coming, she would have put them away. Still, she brushed several objects aside and cleared a spot for him.

The elf noticed wherever she moved, the large man's sea blue eyes would follow. It made her all the more jittery, she didn't like being watched. Preferred to slip away into the shadows undetected. There was only ever one person who seemed to pay attention, though.

"Err, can I get you something to eat or drink?" she motioned to the chair for her guest. "I have…water."

_Elgar'nan! That was rather clever Merrill. Your first house guest and no doubt he thinks you are a messy, impolite, rude little elf. He must think I am a terrible host. _

"I came here to see you Merrill," Hawke said as he took his seat. "You don't have to fuss over me…in fact, I would rather you didn't." he smiled kindly.

"You're so kind." She smiled back, but blushed slightly. "My first guest, and I'm already a terrible host…" she awkwardly took her seat across from Hawke. She bumped several books as she did so.

"No, you're not." He chuckled.

"I-I just wanted to thank you for bringing me here…" she scratched her neck nervously. "But, I'm making a mess of it."

"You… you are rather sweet, Merrill." Hawke blushed. "But seriously, you don't have to worry about it. Anyway, I'm sure I can think of an easier way to thank me." He smiled innocently, but then his blush intensified. "Err, never mind." He chuckled awkwardly.

_He is a rather odd man, isn't he? I wonder if all humans are like this, I haven't met many others yet. I don't mind if they are, he is a rather pleasant man. I enjoy his company. Oh right, he is still here._

"Well, of course you could." She smiled innocently back, only adding to his reddened appearance. "I haven't exactly had many friends. Not even among my own clan. This is…tricky."

"I can't imagine why." He shook his head. "If you don't mind me asking, what made you unpopular with the Dalish?"

"Oh, I don't mind!" she smiled. "Being First to the Keeper, I was always…a bit secluded. I studied magic and history, while the others were learning the Vir Tanadhal." She fondly stroked the pages of the open book laid before her.

"I… I'm sorry to hear that." Hawke's eyes fell slightly. "It's never nice… feeling alone."

"It's good that I left." Merrill smiled reassuringly. "I would have made a terrible Keeper. I was never that good with people…"

"Don't worry." Hawke grinned, his happy nature returning. "It won't take long before you're the most popular girl in the Alienage."

"Mythal, I hope not!" she gasped. "I'd manage to say something stupid in front of everyone, and embarrass myself."

"Ah, I'm sure that wouldn't happen." He shrugged.

"Well… thank you for coming to visit me. It means a lot." She smiled warmly.

"Don't mention it." He waved off. "But at any rate, I think you are pretty alright. And I am an excellent judge of character."

"You know, you are the first person to think so." She grinned. "Even my old friends still thought I was rather… odd. Well, almost all of them." Her heart fell.

"Do you miss them?"

"Yes, very much so." Merrill sighed.

"You know, you can always go back and visit your clan whenever you like." He smiled. "It's not like you won't ever see them again."

"Actually…" Merrill scratched her wrist, feeling an imaginary itch. "It is like that. They… are no longer with my clan."

"Oh…" Hawke said sadly. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"They aren't dead." She shook her head. "At least, I don't believe they are. Just… gone. Tamlen, my Keeper believes is with Mythal. And Caldir… he is beyond my reach."

"Where did he go?" Hawke leaned forward, interested in what the girl had to say. Merrill found it rather flattering. Not many ever cared to hear her out.

"Caldir Mahariel, he is with the Grey Warden's now. I do not know what has become of him."

"Wait…" something clicked in the man's head. "Did you say, Mahariel? As in the Hero of Ferelden, the Grey Warden Mahariel? **_THE_** Mahariel. The Voice of the Dales?" the man's eyes lit up.

"I… I think so?" she seemed a little unsure. "Hero of Ferelden you say? Well, that is something." She couldn't help but feel utter pride and also relief to know there was a chance her love was still alive. "Although, Mahariel isn't an uncommon Dalish name. Caldir said he had many relatives in other clans. There is a chance it might not be him."

"But, I know for a fact, there aren't many Dalish Grey Wardens." Hawke beamed. "I think it may be your friend. And, what's more, I know how we can find out."

"You… you do?" Merrill stared wide eyed to her companion.

"Tomorrow, Varric, Beth and I are going to Darktown in search of a Grey Warden, rumored to have known personally the Hero of Ferelden… or as he is now also known, Commander of the Grey."

"My, this man certainly has many titles." Merrill chuckled. "I wonder how he remembers who he is. And if different places and people address him differently, that would be a good way to know where you are I suppose. If it is Caldir, he would certainly be annoyed with so many names. He did develop a nickname when he was younger, Fenarel used to call him 'Sharp Tooth', because he would often be a little snippy with insults. Often, he would tell clan members to address him as Mahariel, said it was easier… oh sorry, I'm rambling. What were you saying?"

"Well, would you come with me tomorrow? To find this Grey Warden? I have to convince him to give me a map through the Deep Roads, and once I have, we can see what he knows about the Hero of Ferelden?"

"Oh, I would love to." She grinned. "It would be nice to go out and see the city. As long as you don't mind me coming along…?"

"It is no trouble, you can join me whenever you like." He smiled. "It's settled then. We'll be here early to pick you up. I had better get going now, I promised Beth I would do the grocery shopping."

"Oh, could I come?" Merrill jumped up suddenly, startling the man. "I have to get a few things, and I'm a little unsure where to go."

"Sure, company would be lovely." He beamed as he stood up, towering over the small framed elf.

She smiled and grabbed her coin purse and staff. Merrill cheerfully followed Hawke out of her small house. She stopped a moment to lock her door.

"Alright," Hawke said with a smile. "What do you need to get?"

"I must restock on herbs and potions, first. Before I forget again…I always seem to forget. Even though I always really need them."

"I know just the place. Good friend of mine, so she'll be kind with her prices." He grinned. "Follow me."

…

"I am really sorry about that, Hawke…" Merrill panicked as she walked in line with her friend. "I really, really am."

"Merrill…" he chuckled. "Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But… that woman was very cross with me…" she hung her head in shame.

"Merrill… you picked some flowers. She is a crabby, stuck up, pathetic excuse for a lady, noblewoman." He shook his head. "As far as I'm concerned, she should have apologized to you."

"I don't think she liked what you said…" Merrill couldn't help but giggle.

"Well… her outfit did make her look like a swollen pig. I was just being honest." He shrugged. "She might thank me. Orlesian's are very 'fashion-obsessed'. If she acted like a lady, I would have treated her like a lady. But when she insulted you… the most polite thing I could do was call her as she acted, and drop nightshade toxin on her garden."

"Do you think Aveline will be cross with me?" Merrill asked. "I don't think she likes me very much as it is."

"If anything, Aveline will be cross with me." Hawke laughed. "Poisoning someone's rose bush can be considered a crime punishable by death in a hovel like Kirkwall."

"You won't be killed will you!?" Merrill gasped. "You can hide at my house, and I'll tell them you left the city."

"I was just joking Merrill." He smiled. "Thank you for offering to protect me though. Aveline will get over it, she has arrested me for far worse than disturbing a rich Mabari bitch's afternoon."

"When did you upset a Mabari female?" she cocked her head. "Oh right… it was an insult."

Hawke chuckled and readjusted the shopping bags. He had been rather kind and offered to carry Merrill's few things as well as his own. She felt rather awful for having him yelled at. She didn't realize the garden belonged to someone, just simply saw the lovely flowers and thought they would have looked nice in her house.

"So, do you need anything else?" Hawke finally asked. "Shops look like they are closing soon, but if we hurry we can make it."

"No, I have everything I need. Food, herbs, potions, poisons, needle and thread. Yep, that's all I needed today." She smiled.

"Interesting shopping list." He chuckled. "Similar to my usual one actually. Although, I always buy something extra for myself, a jam tart or two."

"What is that?" Merrill asked curiously.

"It's a baked sweet, filled with a nice gooey jam." Hawke licked his lips. "I have quite the sweet tooth. I used to eat so many when I was a kid. My mother forced me to cut down when I got older though, said it wasn't good for my health."

"You seem healthy." Merrill smiled.

"Well thank you." Hawke blushed. "But, I was on the border of being a little overly husky as a boy. Which isn't a good thing living on a farm. Need to be strong and fit. But, every now and then I still like to treat myself."

"Maybe I could buy you one?" Merrill grinned. "As a thank you for today?"

"That would be lovely. But, Kirkwall's bakery closes early most of the time. Besides, I should probably get you home before it's too dark."

"I can walk home by myself if you would prefer? I'd hate to be a bother."

"It is really no trouble. As I have mentioned, my house is around the corner to the Alienage. Well, it's my uncle's house actually."

"Oh! We are neighbors." Merrill beamed. "Well, accept for the different neighborhoods…"

"I guess we are neighbors." He chuckled.

For a while the two walked in unison quietly. Merrill watched as people packed their afternoon stalls up and headed home. Despite getting Hawke in trouble, it had been a very pleasant day. Although, she should have been at home working. It was still nice to get out and learn a thing or two about human culture. Which reminded her;

"Uh, Hawke?" she asked quietly. "Could I ask you something? You don't have to answer, if you don't want to. I'm just curious."

"Now I'm intrigued." He grinned cheekily. "What would you like to know?"

"Why does everyone call you by your last name? Seems I've only heard Bethany call you by your given name. Is it a human custom?"

"A fair question." He chuckled. "Well, it's kind of a long story… but, if you really want to know?"

"Yes please." She smiled.

"Well, when I was a kid, I was never called Hawke. My father, Malcom Hawke, he was always known for his last name. I asked him why that was, he told me it was a sign of respect. When he passed away, many of the folks around town would often mistakenly call me Hawke, as they did my father. I guess it was because I looked just like him… my sister and Brother Carver looked more like our mother, black hair, porcelain skin."

"I'm sorry about your father." Merrill said sadly.

"Oh… it's alright. I used to be rather… broken about it. But our mother always said it was better to remember the life he lived, rather than the death he died. I… I would like to think he isn't alone anymore. My little brother Carver, he is now with him."

They were silent for a moment. Merrill felt awful for bringing this up, she didn't know it would have been such a hard topic. But, Hawke didn't seem angry about it.

"Anyway." He chuckled. "A few years back, I joined the military. Because of my skills, I was promoted rather fast. So, everyone addressed me as Hawke, a sign of respect. But when I came to Kirkwall… I was forced to join a thug organization called the Red Irons. People called me Hawke, less for respect, and more for fear. Fear of my name, fear of me."

"Why did they fear you?" Merrill shook her head. "I don't fear you, I think you are rather nice."

"That's because I like you, so I am nice." He grinned. "I'm not a very nice man to those who I don't like. In the Red Iron's, I was paid to be fierce and rough…so, I had to be. I didn't like having Beth in that situation, it was too risky. So, I figured if people paid more attention to what I did, they would be less likely to notice my apostate sister in the background."

"I think I understand." Merrill nodded.

"I didn't like the man I had to become. So, once my year with them was up, I told Meeran, my old boss, to stick his sword fair up his arse and to never contact me or Bethany again."

"Did he? I mean… did he contact you? Not, did he shove his sword… Err…"

"Not yet, but…give him time." He shrugged. "Bethany was too valuable, he knew what she was, and used that as a way to control me. If he wanted, he could still do that. But, I think he would have to be pretty desperate to try that with me. Even he knew just how dangerous I could be…"

"You are a very good big brother." Merrill smiled.

"I told you I was a ruthless mercenary, and all you noticed was that I was a protective brother?" he laughed. "Truthfully, I think Beth would gladly give me up. I can be a real prat, when I like."

"I don't think she would. She seems rather fond of you. So, why do your friends call you Hawke? Do they fear you as well?" Merrill asked with her head tilted.

"I hope they don't… but, I think they may still be a little cautious of my nature. I can understand that." He shrugged. "Aveline was a soldier as well, she addresses me as Hawke as a sign of respect to her superior officer. Though, I don't know why she does it, considering we aren't in the army now... Varric, I think he does it because Hawke sounds more interesting and heroic than "Jasper". Who would want to hear a story about some nobody named Jasper, when they could hear tales about the mysterious warrior lurking in the shadows named 'The Hawke'?" he laughed at the idea.

"I would." Merrill smiled.

"Sorry?" he raised an eyebrow. "You would what?"

"I would like to hear about the man named Jasper." She grinned. "He seems very nice and helpful…. Can, can I call you Jasper?"

"You… yes… yes you can." He looked rather puzzled at her. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For asking to do so." He smiled. "Erm, well… here we are."

Merrill hadn't noticed they had indeed reached her house. She gratefully took her shopping bags from Hawke and unlocked the door.

"Thank you again for today." She grinned.

"That is more than alright." He smiled back. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes. Ma Serannas, Jasper." With a final wave, she entered her house.

...

Hawke stood for a moment longer than he should have outside the young Dalish woman's house. He couldn't help but stare confused and intrigued at the closed door. What a strange, and yet wonderful elf, he thought.

Jasper had grown up knowing many people in his time. Man, woman, elf, dwarf, even a Qunari caged in his village. But never had he met anyone like Merrill. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he found her rather interesting.

_Perhaps, it is because I have never known anyone like her? Because she is a breath of fresh air amongst all the boring and 'normal' I have become stuck in?_

_Ha, yes… my life is a demonstration of normality. _

He brushed his blonde hair back, and with a final lingering look, headed off out of the Alienage. Many elves stared at him as he passed. All very cautious of the shadow who wandered through their home. No doubt, they knew exactly who he was. Good, he thought, that meant no one would bother Merrill. He would hate to have heard someone had hassled her. A pretty and sweet girl like Merrill, he was certain would become an easy target to the scum of Kirkwall.

He smirked, he would have easily broken a few fingers or hands if they decided to wander unwelcomely in his allies direction. Not that it would have been all that needed, she seemed more than capable to defend herself. Still, he knew just how forceful people could be in Kirkwall, especially towards women. One thing he hated the most in the entire world, was the disrespect of a lady.

_And yet, you called a lady many foul names this very afternoon? You are a fickle man._

_Ha! Lady, she spoke like no lady I have ever known. And I do so detest the term 'knife ear'. If she wishes to speak like gutter muck, I shall address her as so._

_My, my, Jasper Hawke. Such the knight in shining armor._

_My father raised me to be princely in public, and murderous in battle._

Many times Jasper had given Carver a black eye in their youth, for making rude remarks on girls in their village. How easily that boy forgot what their father taught of manners and respect. Perhaps, that was why many men and women found Jasper appealing, his gentlemen nature and handsome features often turned heads.

Still, he wasn't interested in many relations. He had only courted one or two girls in his youth, sadly, none had ever worked out. Either his family was forced to move, causing Jasper to say a heartfelt farewell and receive empty promises of writing letters, or he simply couldn't come to settle down. He preferred being on his own, it was easier.

Jasper nodded respectfully to a family of elves as they packed their stall up. Their youngest child giggled and returned the gesture, granting her a scolding from her father. The day's lesson would either be not to talk to strangers, or to never make eye contact with a 'Shem'. How sad, Jasper thought, he meant them no harm. But, it was the price to pay in his line of work. Being a sword for hire came with its penalties, especially when the sword was sharper than most.

As he passed the gates, he stared hatefully at the spiked barrier. He never understood why elves were forced to live apart from humans. But, then again, he never understood why mages had to as well. Bethany and his father never used magic for evil, only ever to help others. Even Merrill seemed harmless.

_Think Jasper, she is a blood mage. Blood magic is evil. _

_Is it? Have you ever known someone to use it before? Father never spoke much on it, only to Bethany. Beth seems a little unsure about Merrill, but she certainly isn't frightened of her. And it isn't the magic that is evil, it is how it is used. As father would say. _

_Regardless, I said I would help her to keep out of Templar's notice. And I shall. Blood magic or no, as long as she isn't hurting anyone, she doesn't deserve harm to befall her._

_Besides… I rather like her…_

He shook his head, pushing that thought aside. Jasper didn't 'like' anyone. He didn't have friends, he had allies. All he needed in his life was Bethany and his mother, and their loyal guard dog. No one else mattered.

He would work alongside his companions, simply because he had made promises to do so. He was a man of his word. He barely knew Varric, despite seemingly to be a rather nice guy, Jasper didn't know him well enough yet. There was still a subtle hint of trickery about the fellow rogue. He definitely had the nature of a liar. But still, in time he might have earned his trust.

Aveline had long earned his loyalty. But, they had suffered much together. He owed her a dept he never was able to repay. Being the man to end her husband's life, he would forever be a pain in her heart. He knew it wasn't his place to intervene, but he had hoped to spare her the pain of making the final blow. She claimed she held no ill will to her friend, but he knew better. She would have been heartless, if part of her didn't still hate Hawke.

Still, she remained a true companion. Since arriving in Kirkwall, she did all she could to help Bethany and Leandra. She made sure no Templar would harass Bethany, not that suspicion fell on his sister much. She was a clever girl, after all. Aveline even tried to get Jasper a job with the guard, but his criminal record and mercenary work was hard to erase and he didn't want to cause her more agony. Indeed, Aveline was a worthy ally.

Merrill, now she was someone to think on. Ever since he met her, he had been rather perplexed by the Dalish pariah. At first, she seemed overly innocent, naive even. How wrong he was, it was becoming clear that Merrill was more than what she seemed. It was easy for Hawke to forget himself with Merrill, something about her made him feel at ease. He even found himself not only enjoying her company, but wanting to help her as well. It was... worrisome.

He would need to think more on the elf mage. At least her company was enjoyable, she was rather interesting to talk with and her wonderment of a world Jasper had come to despise often made him smile. He hoped her sweet disposition wouldn't die, like it did for him so long ago.

_**A/N**_

_**I wanted to give a little more sight into the mind of Mr. Jasper Hawke. He isn't like most bad ass Hawke's I have seen. I wanted to make him sensitive and rather different from the typical 'Hawke'. To be honest, when I made him...I wanted him to be a Mary Sue :L Now, I realize that didn't work out, he is way cooler than that. Just a rather gentlemanly fellow, who can carve a man up in a matter of seconds... yes... normality :L**_


	4. Dareth

_Dareth- Be Safe_

Merrill watched cautiously as Hawke paced back in forth, deep in thought. She inwardly giggled, she never pictured Hawke to be someone who paced. It seemed like something rather odd for such a big man to do. Varric chugged down another mouthful of his ale, then shook his head. The day had not turned out quite as well as the group originally planned.

Hawke's Mabari sat by the fire, his eyes followed his master with each pace. Merrill liked Brutus, though she wasn't sure why he was given such a fierce name. He seemed like such a sweet pup.

"Why must nothing be as simple as I plan?" the rogue huffed, leaning against Varric's fireplace. "Everything seems to just want to bite me in the ass this past week."

"Come on Hawke, we knew the Warden wouldn't just hand over the map." Varric grunted. "Would have been nice, but…"

"I didn't think he would bribe us to storm the Chantry gates, though." He shook his head. "Just what we need, a bloody renegade mage on our hands. And a lunatic one at that. This Anders is raving mad if he thinks he has a chance against the entire Templar order… As if my day wasn't bad enough…"

"More troubles Hawke?" Varric asked mid mouthful. "Anything I can help with?"

"Not entirely sure, right now…" Hawke brushed his hair back. "Just my past catching up with me… I received a letter from Meeran today."

Merrill recalled that name, Hawke had mentioned it to her the day before. He had been expecting his old boss to come back into his life, not quite so soon, but he knew it was eventual. Merrill hoped he wasn't in any danger, or Bethany. Meeran didn't sound like a nice man to be in cahoots with.

"What did that old pervert want?" Bethany growled.

"Nothing for himself, apparently." Hawke shrugged. "At first he went on about regretting to 'let us go'… like the old drunk had any chance of keeping us… anyway, he went on to say if I wasn't to frightened to get my hands dirty, he knew someone in need of a job."

"I hope you weren't considering?" Bethany's eyes went wide. Merrill couldn't help but agree, Hawke didn't need to work with bad people like that anymore.

"I'm not an idiot." He snorted. "But, money is money… so I have to consider looking into the job. Doesn't seem like Meeran's style to send my name elsewhere, sounds less like my usual line of work…"

"What do you mean?" Merrill asked curiously.

The Dalish elf still wasn't entirely sure what Hawke's 'line of work' was. It didn't sound all that friendly. She had seen the rogue fight, it was a rather amazing sight to behold. He moved with a speed that seemed inhuman, and quiet, it was easy for the man to sneaky up and strike a fatal blow to his enemies. It was obvious, even to her, whatever his past job was, it had something to do with his inhuman abilities.

_How can someone so large move so fast? If he wasn't so…well, human, he could have been mistaken for a Dalish hunter. Maybe even greater? Dalish have a gentle approach, calm and careful. Each blow cannot be taken lightly. With Hawke, it's like he is a wild cat. Fast and deadly, he doesn't need to be careful, he is certain each strike will hit its target. Oh Creators… now I'm staring again …_

"Well…" Hawke brushed his hair back. "He mentioned helping out some dwarf named Anso. Meeran is a prejudice sod, never likes mixing with elves or dwarfs… business wise anyway. Doesn't mind associating with them in other aspects…" a snarl curled the corner of his lips.

_He really doesn't like this man. I'm sure he has a good reason to. Mythal, I hope I never run into him… I get the feeling he isn't very pleasant company._

"Anso?" Varric raised an eyebrow. "I know that little skittish nug."

"Not a friend I take it?" Hawke chuckled.

"Not exactly." Varric huffed. "He's a shifty sort, but not very dangerous at least. Just a little on the twitchy side. Still thinks he'll float away into the sky. Hasn't been on the surface long, but already has a name for himself."

"Is it a nice name?" Merrill asked. Hawke couldn't help but smile at the innocent elf.

"Define nice." Varric laughed as he took another swig. "He doesn't deal in flesh or blood, so he is alright in my books. Wouldn't invite him to dinner though, might panic and run off with the silverware, but at least he isn't the type to hand your kids over to the Tevinter's."

"Well, that's comforting." Hawke huffed. "What is he known for?"

"Lyrium smuggling mostly." Varric shrugged. "He came to me a little while ago, hoping to get the City Guard off his case. Wasn't willing to stick my neck out for someone who is constantly looking over his shoulders. Little too antsy for my liking. Besides, Aveline was in a foul mood… didn't want to add to it."

"Sounds like he could be working with Anthenril." Hawke tapped his fingers along the stone wall, deep in thought. "She's been cracking down with smuggling, keeping checks on all suppliers. Last I heard she is starting to build her ranks, no doubt thanks to having the competition… dealt with."

A small glint of something passed in the rogues eyes. Something about it was unsettling to Merrill, she wasn't sure why. She was beginning to see why so many could fear her new friend, something about him was definitely beyond dangerous.

"Wonder why Meeran would be working with her… Might just be a private job, Anso might not have either of them in the cut... In that case, could be stepping on people's toes…" Hawke scratched his chin as every possible plot unraveled in his mind. "Is he the type to double cross someone?"

"Not from what I've heard." the dwarf snorted. "But, what I can tell, his number one priority is himself."

"I can respect that." Hawke chuckled.

"My advice, would be to give it a shot. He is easily spooked, so it won't take much to get the coin out of him." Varric shrugged.

"I'm still not sure…" Hawke sighed. "Anything to do with Meeran is bound to be off… Meeran and possibly Anthenril, that's something entirely new. It doesn't sit right with me…"

"Ah, it'll be fine." Varric waved off his companions worry. "Come, take a load off."

"I thought you invited us here to talk business, Varric." Hawke raised an eyebrow. "Not to try and get us completely sloshed."

"Why can't we do both?" the dwarf chuckled. "Daisy, Sunshine, what'll you have?"

"Bethany doesn't drink." Hawke answered for his sibling.

"I do to!" she near shouted. Merrill jumped slightly, she hadn't heard the normally polite mage raise her voice angrily before.

"Mother will kill me if she hears I let you get pissed, Beth." Hawke sighed. "Plus, I thought it made it harder to hide your…gifts?"

"Stop babying me!" she huffed. "I'm old enough to have a drink, occasionally. I'm not going to get hammered, I just wouldn't mind relaxing. I haven't had a great time either, you know. I'll take something small, Varric."

"Whatever…" Hawke rubbed his forehead. "Order her an "Orlesian Mascaraed Ball", its sweet and fruity. Plus it won't give her a hangover." Bethany poked her tongue out to her brother. Merrill let out a small giggle as Hawke returned the gesture.

"Alright, and what will you have Daisy?" Varric smiled to the quiet elf.

"Umm… do I have to drink?" Merrill murmured. She had only drunken alcohol once, and it didn't end very well. "Alcohol doesn't agree with me. When I was younger, a friend and I stole a bottle from Master Illen… it didn't end well. I had a massive headache the next day and was covered in honey and feathers. Marethari wasn't pleased with me, nor was Illen… or the Hallas…or the nearby human village… oh sorry, I'm rambling again." Hawke's eyes grew noticeably wider, and a hint of a smirk threatened his mouth.

"Now that, is a story I could stand to hear." Varric chuckled. "One drink won't hurt kiddo."

"She doesn't have to drink, if she doesn't want to." Hawke smiled to the now blushing Merrill. "I'm not having one either, don't worry."

"Fine, be boring Hawke. I'll go grab some for me and Sunshine then." With that, the dwarf took his leave.

Hawke returned to staring into the flickering embers, deep in contemplation. Merrill watched as his eyes darted back and forth, it was as if he was playing out a plan in his mind. Apart from his eyes, his face looked as though it was made from stone. Every moment or so his lip would twitch. She wondered how his mental plans were going, if he was winning or losing. The elf wasn't sure why she found the large man rather fascinating, but she could have easily studied him for hours.

"So, Merrill." Bethany chimed, breaking Merrill from her daze. "How are you liking Kirkwall so far?"

"Oh, it is rather pleasant." Merrill smiled. "Really interesting, I'm enjoying learning new things. I still feel a little out of place, but I'm sure that will pass. Everything seems so exciting."

"You haven't seen all of Kirkwall yet, Merrill." Hawke mentioned, still focused. "So I wouldn't be too keen."

"Don't listen to Jasper." Bethany chuckled. "As long as you are coping well, that's all that matters. No one has bothered you, I hope?"

"No." Merrill shook her head. "Everyone is rather nice. A few of my neighbors seem to watch me when I leave the Alienage and make sure I have closed my door."

"Err, you do remember to lock it… I hope?" Bethany rubbed her neck. "Just in case…"

"Yes, I do most of the time." Merrill smiled. "Sometimes I forget, but at least I have someone to double check."

"I'll need to have a look about that…" Hawke muttered to himself. "Not having someone steal from her… she doesn't need that."

"I have been meaning to ask Merrill, how come you were never sent to the Circle as a child?" Bethany leaned forward on the table. "I haven't met any other apostates before you, just curious."

"Oh, that's because we choose to keep magic with the Dalish." Merrill shrugged. "Mage children study magic freely, among their own people."

"So, the Dalish have no Circle?" Bethany's eyes lit up at the thought.

"Any child with the gift of magic is apprenticed to a Keeper... in another clan if there's no need in her own." Merrill began absentmindedly tracing the markings in the wooden table. She often remembered the day she was sent to live with the Sabrae clan, it wasn't a very happy memory.

"That sounds nice." Bethany sighed, leaning back.

"And much easier." Hawke chuckled.

"Magic is a gift of the Creators. Why wouldn't we use it?" Merrill shook her head. "It just seems... wasteful for humans to lock their mages away where they can't do any good."

"But... you are a blood mage." Bethany awkwardly remembered.

"Yes. I am." Merrill agreed, unsure what point the fellow mage was hoping to make.

"Err, so… have you come to a decision yet, Jasper?" Bethany drastically changed topic. "It is getting later and later, we need to decide soon."

"I am aware of that Beth…" Hawke breathed. "I don't think we have much of a choice."

"A choice in what?" Varric asked as he reentered the room, carrying two large mugs.

"I said a small one Varric." Bethany chuckled as he handed her drink over.

"Smallest they offer, I'm afraid." Varric took his seat. "Now, what were you saying Hawke?"

"Just that we are in a fine mess." He sighed. "Do we really need that map?"

"If we want to have a good chance of Bartrand taking you on, yeah, we really need that map." The dwarf chuckled as he swiveled his mug.

"Yep. No choice, by the looks of it." Hawke began lightly tapping his chin. "Either take our chances in the Deep Roads, or not get there at all… or risk an ambush from Templars."

"Looks like we are caught between a rock and a crazy place." Varric chuckled taking a swig from his fresh drink.

"I bloody hate it when that happens." Hawke let out a small laugh.

"You think the Templars would be expecting us?" Bethany coughed after a sip of her drink. Merrill was certain the look on the young girls face meant she regretted not listening to her brother.

"I know so." He sighed. "Sadly, that daft Warden is adamant… and stupid. He wants his friend out of the Circle, I can respect that. But… his methods are overly risky. Regardless, he made his deal. No mage, no map. Simple."

"What should we do?" Merrill piped up. Hawke looked to her and raised an eyebrow, clearly he wasn't expecting Merrill to include herself in his problems.

"We… have to do as he asks. But, I will be going alone."

"Like Andraste's nug humping uncle you will Hawke!" Varric slammed his mug down enthusiastically. "If you have to place your neck on the line over this, Bianca and I will be right by your side."

"I didn't know the human Andraste had a nug humping uncle." Merrill tilted her head. "I suppose, you wouldn't want to tell many people about that sort of thing, would you. Bit of an odd thing to do, isn't it?"

"I appreciate it, Varric." Hawke chuckled. "It's a bit of a Chantry scandal, really." He winked at Merrill.

"What about Aveline?" Bethany asked, pushing her drink aside. "She might be able to help as well."

"I highly doubt she would approve of this…misadventure." Varric snorted.

"I wouldn't ask her to, either." Hawke shook his head. "Even if she agreed, it would be putting her career at risk if she was caught. Looks like it will be you and me, Varric."

"And Bianca." The dwarf added while raising his mug,

"And me!" Bethany stood up. "And don't you even think you'll be playing the over protective brother on this."

"Beth…" he sighed. "I'm not 'playing' anything, and I'm not being over protective. I'm being logical. You are not coming."

"Just watch me." She crossed her arms. "We are a team."

"Yeah, we are." He nodded. "So, I'd hate to lead you into a death trap. Which is what this will most likely be."

"I. Am. Going." she shook her head.

Merrill stared wide eyed as the Hawke siblings glared at each other. She had to suppress the urge to giggle, it reminded her so much of Caldir and Tamlen's arguments. Although, the look Caldir made was nothing in comparison to the snarl curled on Jasper Hawke's lips.

_It's a little frightening, actually. I wonder how Bethany doesn't crumble under his stare, I certainly would. Oh I hope I'm never at the receiving end of one of those. Almost as terrifying as the Keeper's. I guess this is why people fear him, he does seem to be a little intimidating._

"Would you think, for a second." he snapped. "I know you want to help, but walking into a dragons lair covered in meat is never a smart decision."

"Great scenario, Jasper." She scoffed. "I'm not leaving you to do this without me."

"I said no." he turned his back on her.

Merrill assumed this was a sign of his final statement.

_Caldir had a similar one, usually he would cross his arms and stand tall, Tamlen always backed down. He always looked so worried, like a little baby Halla. It was rather amazing how easily Caldir got his way, I wish I was confident like him. Or Hawke… Maybe then Marethari wouldn't have turned my legs wobbly all the time…_

Bethany looked as though she wanted to argue, but simply shook her head and stormed out without saying another word. Hawke sighed.

"Follow her Brute, protect her. Make sure she goes straight home… and stays there." He ordered his trusted hound. The dog barked, and chased after the angered apostate.

"You did the right thing, Hawke." Varric nodded. "Would have been dangerous taking a mage along, especially Sunshine. We are at enough risk just going there."

"Does that mean I can't come?" Merrill looked to them forlorn. "I thought I could help, repay you for everything."

"Merrill, that's sweet of you…" Hawke looked to her uncomfortably. "But just because you aren't my sister, doesn't mean I want to risk your life with this."

"But, my magic is more useful. As you have seen, I can do things Bethany can't…" she shyly protested. Hawke nodded, not silencing her, just hearing her plea. "And… I know how to sense Templar presence, the Keeper taught me. It's a skill all mage born Dalish are taught, in case Templars pass by their campgrounds. I can warn you if I think it will be an ambush…"

To be honest, Merrill wasn't entirely sure why she was so eager to help them. Possibly because she knew they had no other options. Or possibly because she was overly grateful for everything Hawke had done for her. There was also the chance she would find out about the Hero of Ferelden from the apostate Warden Anders. Ever since Hawke mentioned it, the idea had plagued her mind.

"She… has a point, Hawke." Varric scratched his scruffy chin. "We are going to need a mage, in case things go pear shape."

"I have enough skills to take care of a few Templars, Varric." Hawke sighed.

"Yeah, so do I." the dwarf snorted. "But, magic would be a good distraction. We can use one of Merrill's confusion spell-thingos she does and get the Void out of there. We will have more of a chance of survival this way."

"I can't ask this of you." He shook his head. "Even if we escape an attack, you might be noticed. If we make it out alive, they will come knocking on your doorstep."

"Doesn't that still put Bethany at risk?" Merrill asked. "I mean… if they know who you are… they might come looking for you, then notice Bethany and start annoying both of you…." She crumbled under the sudden gaze Hawke had given her.

"You… you have a point." He admitted. "Shit…"

With a sudden surge of rage, Hawke smacked the stone fireplace with his fist. He began muttering to himself, incoherently. Once more, his eyes darted back and forth, calculating their next move. Merrill felt a little bad for causing his mood swing, she didn't mean to upset her new friend. Her mind fizzled under the room's tension.

"If only I was a hunter." She announced nervously. "We have this perfume the hunters use to mask their scent from prey, and also special camouflage to blend into the forest. That's why Dalish are so hard to find, not many know this. Everyone seems to think we are just too quick, or sneaky, or maybe we are that small we can move undetected. Well, we are all those things, but this is the main reason… Not even humans are able to notice Dalish when we wear it, we are really good at disguises… sorry, I'm rambling aren't I?"

Hawke's eyes lit up and his head snapped up to meet Merrill's nervous gaze. Merrill felt her pulse quicken. Had she said something to upset him? Again?

"What did you say, Merrill?" he asked, hint of a smile growing.

"That I should have been a hunter?" she cocked her head.

"No, about disguises." His grin broke free. "Merrill, you are a genius!"

"I…I am?" she blushed.

"What's your plan, Hawke?" Varric leaned in, a similar spark lit in his eyes.

"My plan, is that we will go to the Chantry tonight, Merrill too… and we will not be spotted."

"How so?" Varric leaned further in.

"It's so simple, that I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner." He began pacing back and forth excitedly. "We are still taking a dangerous risk, but at least this will give us a chance…"

"What will?" Varric asked, getting a little impatient with Hawke's vague responses.

"I have a few hoods and cloaks at home, they are enchanted!" he grinned. "Our father made them for us when we were younger, they are designed to hide magic from Templars. We can hide our faces, while Merrill can hide her magic. The Templars won't realize we have a mage amongst us, until it's too late."

"Bloody Bronto balls!" Varric jumped up. "That's brilliant!"

"I kept them because I wanted to sell them on the Darktown black market. Thank the Maker I had yet to sell them."

"Well then, we'd better get dressed for the ball." Varric sculled the last of his drink. He quickly joined Hawke in gathering smoke bombs and various poisons from the shelves.

"Merrill… you are such a genius, you've saved my hide!" Hawke exclaimed. "By the Maker, I could kiss you!"

Merrill stared wide eyed as he brushed past her to prepare for their quest. Varric looked back and forth between the elf and rogue. His eyebrow twitched and a small sneaky smile hinted his lips. Merrill could feel her face light up.

"Oh…" the little elf's ears were tickled pink. She blushed and watched as her companions busied about.

_I haven't been called a genius before, not by anyone. Clever, smart, maybe… but even then it always seems patronizing. I never knew a human would be so kind to me… and did he really want to kiss me? Does a kiss mean the same to humans as it does to the Dalish? Probably not… maybe it is just a saying?_

...

Hawke buzzed about the room as he gathered anything Varric owned that might have come in handy. As he passed the now pinkish elf, he couldn't help but feel a great amount of joy smiling at her. Maker's breath, if Merrill hadn't said anything he doubted he would have come up with such a brilliant plan.

"Merrill… you are such a genius, you've saved my hide! By the Maker, I could kiss you!" he absentmindedly admitted while he whizzed past her, mind on the task at hand.

He paused, only for a moment, as the words registered in his head.

_Sweet Andraste's Grace… Did I just say that…? Hopefully she didn't hear me…_

"Oh…" Merrill let out a barely audible peep. Hawke couldn't bear to turn to her, but he was certain her face was the same shade of his own.

_Shit._

He spied in the corner of his eyes a rather pleased dwarf wiggling his eyebrows in Hawke's direction. He didn't need to have blood magic to read that man's mind. He was certain the dwarf was thinking of ways to torment Hawke over his slip up.

_I'm going to hear about this later… Focus. Job now… embarrassment later… _


	5. Elgar

_Elgar-Spirit_

The night breeze was cool as it wisped through the deserted streets. Occasionally a city guard would pause and inspect the area, but soon moved on. No one wished to linger long in the dark streets that took up Kirkwall. A place for the lawless and the bloodthirsty. Which is why Merrill couldn't help but feel out of place amongst the scenery, she didn't seem the type to 'skulk' about at night.

She hurried quickly along behind Varric and Hawke. Hawke took the lead, checking around corners before allowing the others to continue. Merrill could see the excitement in the rogue's eyes as they raced from dark street to back alley. It wasn't hard to tell, this was the Ferelden's element. Instead of his usual golden handled blades, Hawke had opted to carry his bow and quiver. He mentioned something about 'using distance as a greater weapon'. Merrill had yet to see him use his bow, though she had seen him carry it. She wondered if he was just as skilled with it as his daggers.

Merrill pulled her cloak tighter around herself. She found it awkward to run in, as it wasn't designed for such a slender frame. Occasionally the hood would fall and cover her eyes. More times than not, Merrill had caused the others to slow in pace. Hawke didn't seem annoyed though, rather he patiently waited for the little elf to catch up. Varric was dressed in a similar cloak, though he was given permission to 'alter' the length. Hawke wore a cloak, but rather than a hood, he sported a helmet which covered most of his face. His blue eyes were still visible, as they twinkled in the night.

Merrill found his excitement towards this quest a little odd, considering not long ago the idea bothered him. She eventually put it down to the stealthy nature in which they travelled. He did seem to prefer the sneaky approach rather than the frontline tactics they normally faced.

Soon enough, the group reached the Chantry. To which Merrill was grateful, her feet were somewhat sore from running.

_Maybe shoes with soles aren't such a bad idea. The ground in Kirkwall is hard stone, not soft like the earth I am used to._

Hawke stopped before they reached the end of the alley way. The street lamps gave enough light for the companions to see each other, but not enough to give their presence away. Merrill was silently relieved for the rest, even Varric seemed to find it hard to keep up.

"Everyone alright?" Hawke pulled his helmet up as he spoke quietly. "We can stop for a breather, we are nearly there."

"Maker's breath Hawke…" Varric breathed. "You do realise I have little legs right?"

"We are stopping, aren't we?" Hawke silently chuckled.

He pulled from his cloak pocket a small red vial. Then, drawing an arrow from his quiver, dipped it in the vial. Varric, now regaining lung control, did the same with his own stash of arrows. Merrill watched rather intrigued as the rogues readied their weapons.

"Hang on…" Hawke paused as the breeze shifted. The way he acted reminded Merrill of a startled Halla.

Merrill stared as something flashed in his eyes. Without so much as a seconds passing, Hawke drew his bow. He slowly lifted it towards Merrill's direction, though his eyes were past her. Her eyes widened.

"Merrill, remain perfectly still." He calmly breathed. "There is someone on the building behind you, they haven't noticed me yet. When I give the signal, I need you to duck. Do you understand?" His voice was slightly unnerving, Merrill nodded regardless. "Okay, now!"

As soon as Merrill's head was out of the shot, an arrow whizzed past her. She turned quickly, hoping to spot the target. She couldn't see anything through the alley's thick blackness. She could hear the arrow as it glided along the air. Merrill couldn't help but doubt Hawke's judgement.

But suddenly, Merrill heard a loud thud followed by a muffled moan. Then an even louder thud echoed the streets as a body hit the stone pavement. Merrill stared wild-eyed, Varric turned to Hawke.

"Nice shot." He pretended to applaud. "Never would have spotted that one."

"An assassin, or a spy." He shrugged. "Been following us for about five minutes. I didn't think it worth mentioning, until the cocky bastard decided to try his luck."

"Why were we being followed in the first place?" Varric frowned.

"Not sure." Hawke reattached his bow. "My guess, the under city has grown tired of having their numbers dwindle. Guess I will need to be even more cautious, from now on."

Merrill had yet to turn her eyes away from the darkness. She was still trying to figure out how Hawke had even been able to take the shot.

"Merrill?" Hawke voice sounded far away, but still concerned. "I'm sorry if I startled you…"

"No, I'm fine…" Merrill breathed, but her voice did sound slightly shaky. Hawke rushed over to her and placed a cautious hand on her shoulder. His eyes full of worry and shame. Merrill looked up to him, slightly confused with his reaction.

"I…I am sorry. I didn't think…" he placed his spare hand on her cheek, checking if she had been physically injured, though he should have known she wasn't. Merrill's face burned as she looked up to his saddened eyes.

"I am fine…" She peeped.

"You don't sound fine." His eyebrows furrowed. "I should have given you more warning, but when I heard his bow string tighten-"

"Wait, you heard it?" Merrill's eyes widened. "How? I didn't hear anything…"

"Oh…" Hawke let go of her face, blush spreading on his own cheeks. "I just… it's hard to explain." He scratched his neck.

"That's amazing!" Merrill couldn't help but gush in awe. "You heard it from this far away, and landed a clear shot in the dark. Not even a great hunter would be able to do that. I bet you could take a deer down, clean shot, from miles away!"

"It-it…was nothing…" Hawke looked away awkwardly.

"Not to break up the love fest, but didn't we have some kind of rescue mission we were supposed to be doing?" Varric grinned, his eyebrows wiggling at Hawke.

"Yes. Right." Hawke glared at Varric.

"Of course. Yes." Merrill fondled her hands.

Hawke headed back to the alley way exit. Varric followed close behind, Merrill kept her usual distance, making sure she wouldn't get in the way. Hawke's eyes narrowed as he stared over to the Chantry.

"See the Warden?" Varric asked as he squinted to the distance.

"Yes." Hawke spoke through gritted teeth. "He is there alright."

"Problems, Hawke?" Varric almost laughed at his companion's annoyance.

"The idiot is standing at the main entrance. Just… standing there… He is actually pacing, as if this isn't a big deal." Hawke almost laughed. "His plan is to walk through the main entrance… If the Templars don't kill him, I bloody might."

"Not everyone is a master of 'stealth'." Varric poked Hawke in the ribs. "You can't expect someone who advertises in Dark Town 'Free magic healing! Come and get it', to be sneaky."

"I suppose you are right." Hawke finally chuckled. "Let's get this over with. Merrill, it isn't too late to back out."

He turned, and with an understanding smile, watched for a reaction from the small elf. Merrill simply shook her head, she wasn't afraid and she certainly wasn't abandoning her friends.

_That's something I never thought I would call a human. Creators, I never thought I would have many friends at all._

"Alright. Thank you." Hawke smiled, then turned away. "Let's do this."

With that, Hawke took a hold of his quiver's straps, and bolted off towards the Chantry. Varric attempted to do the same, but found clinging to Bianca rather difficult. Merrill couldn't help but contemplate why such a small man carried such a large weapon, when she realised she should probably start running also.

It didn't take long to cross the deserted street. Hawke ensured they kept to the shadows, as he warned thugs patrolled the rooftops at night. After being shown just how easily they could be attacked, Merrill took his advice seriously. The Warden, Anders, greeted them at the top of the steps.

"So, you made it." The blonde mage said, hardly a hint of relief in his voice.

"Nice to see you again, as well." Hawke snorted as he readjusted his bow. He turned his head to make sure Varric and Merrill were fine after the run. Both breathed heavy, but were otherwise intact.

_Mythal! How does this human run so fast? I doubt a Halla would be able to outrun him… _

"I saw Karl go inside a few minutes ago." The mage continued, ignoring Hawke's remark. "No Templars so far… what's with the outfits?" he craned his neck and took note of Varric and Merrill's cloaks. "I didn't realise you planned for a fancy dress party…"

Merrill couldn't tell if he was trying to be funny, or malicious. Something about his voice gave her the impression it might have been both. She was certain she imagined it, but it was as if she could hear two voices. A strange echo to his voice, it made her feel a little uneasy to listen.

"Some of us, are smart enough to plan for the worst." Hawke glared at the man before him. Anders huffed a response. His eyes darted back towards the Chantry doors.

"Are you ready?" he finally asked.

"Just a moment." Hawke turned to Merrill. "Do you sense any Templars?"

"Not from out here." Merrill shook her head. "But, I can't tell beyond the walls. I won't know until we are inside… and then, it might be too late." She felt slightly embarrassed and ashamed she couldn't offer further advice. Hawke nodded, then returned to looking at the distracted mage.

"I didn't notice anyone suspicious, either. Alright… let's do this, fast." The rogue nodded towards the doors.

"Alright." Anders nodded in acknowledgement. "I'll handle the talking… you watch out for Templars." He directed his words at Merrill, who looked slightly stunned she had been acknowledged.

With that, the mage Warden headed into the Chantry. The doors creaked as he pushed them open, Hawke shook his head in annoyance at the sound.

"Well, if there weren't Templars, there soon will be." He chuckled. "Alright, stay close to me. We all need to get out of this alive… including the loud mage. Be ready for a fight. Merrill…" His eyes looked severe. "If it looks too much for us to handle, I need you to run. Got that?"

"But I-"

"I mean it." It was the same tone he used with Bethany. That tone that said 'my word is final'. Merrill melted under his stare, she eventually nodded. He smiled understandingly, then lowered his helmet over his face.

With that, Hawke lead them after Anders. The doors creaked once more as they opened, whining under the strain of pressure. Merrill took in the sight of the building. It was beyond huge, and appeared to be decorated with parts of actual gold. She had never entered a Chantry before, it seemed beautiful. Though she couldn't help notice how many hungry mouths could have been fed if the gold was melted down into coin, or how many of the homeless citizens of Kirkwall could have been housed there.

_I'm sure the gold isn't real. From what I gathered, the Chantry is supposed to help the humans. I'm sure it isn't as bad as my people believe… it was another time when it took our lands from us, I'm sure they have changed…right?_

She wasn't given much time to think on it though. Her muscles tensed as she felt the familiar surge of Lyrium in the air. Lyrium, coursing through someone's blood. She felt somewhat relived for her blood magic, it gave her a distinct advantage in this instance. Without it, she would have only picked up the traces of Lyrium, which wasn't always a definite way to track a Templar. Now, she was certain.

Anders raced up the Chantry steps, Hawke and the others followed closely. The mage stopped, he spied a man dressed in purple robes stacking bookshelves. His eyes practically lit up at the sight.

"Hawke?" Merrill whispered. Her leader turned his head towards her. "Hawke… I don't think we are alone." He nodded, reassuring her he was ready.

"Anders…" the man in purple spoke. His voice made the hairs on Merrill's arms stand on ends. "I know you too well. I knew you would never give up…"

"What's wrong… why are you talking like that?" Anders sounded so broken, so scared.

Merrill couldn't help but feel sad for Anders, she quickly realised why this man sounded off to her. The man in purple turned around. His eyes distant, vacant. A golden sun, appeared to be burnt into his forehead. Merrill had seen this once, upon fleeing Ferelden. Her Keeper called it the Chantry's death sentence. It was the face of Tranquillity. Anders looked devastated, almost on the verge of crying.

"I was too rebellious…" the Karl spoke once more. "Like you. The Templars knew I had to be…made example of."

"No!" Anders shook his head in disbelief.

"How else will mages ever master themselves?" Merrill cringed at the certainty to the once mages words. How he now honestly believed them. "You'll understand, Anders…."

"Hawke…?" Merrill's body visibly shivered as the sensation of Lyrium grew stronger within her blood. "We are definitely not alone." she pulled her cloak tighter with one hand, and gripped her staff with the other.

"As soon as the Templars teach you to control yourself…" the man continued, though no one listened. Their focus, now on the several Templars the slowly progressed out from the shadows.

"What a surprise…" Hawke growled as he drew his bow.

"This is the apostate." The man Karl pointed towards Anders, handing over his friend and attempted saviour. Anders eyes were filled with hurt, but then vanished within a moment. Replaced, with what Merrill thought was a glowing blue light. She blinked, not believing her own eyes.

"No!" he shouted as the glow appeared then disappeared once more. He fell to the ground, broken.

Merrill and the others readied themselves to fight, just as Hawke had ordered. They were soon startled though, as Anders began shaking violently. Suddenly, a blue light erupted around the mage, springing him to life once more.

"_**You will never take another mage as you took him!"**_

Merrill couldn't help but stare, though she knew she needed to focus. That voice, the echo, it was there. She hadn't imagined it. Now, it had taken over the voice that belonged to Anders. And the power, Merrill could feel it coursing through his blood. Though she didn't tap into it, the magic emitting from the man was somehow empowering her as well.

"Kill the demon!" one of the startled Templars shouted. "Capture the others!"

"To the Void with that!" Hawke shouted as he began firing arrows.

With that, the group erupted into a fight. Anders, like force of fury, began striking the Templars with magic Merrill never thought could exist. Varric took down the archer Templars hiding on the balconies, while Hawke killed off the main bulk with arrows and a hidden dagger. One by one, arrows shot through their thick armour, hitting all the tiny weaknesses only a skilled archer would know existed. With the poison tipped arrows, they fell easily.

Merrill stayed towards the back, as she was instructed. Although, she did prove her own worth, taking down any who dared to try and sneak up on Hawke. She was even able to take control of one of the Templars and had him turn on her comrades. She knew this type of magic was wrong, but it was in self-defence.

One of the Templars somehow blindsided Hawke, almost taking his head clean off. He would have been successful, if Merrill hadn't been paying close attention to her friends. Merrill took hold of her staff, then with a thunderous clap of her hands, a wall of stone shot out and crushed the Templar. Hawke, noticing the Templar as he fell, turned to look to Merrill. His grateful smile peaked out from under his helmet. His eyes twinkled amongst the metal. She nodded in return, then they both went back to finishing the battle off.

Soon enough, the last of the Templars fell. Anders, took the final blow, smiting the presumed leader of the attack. The mage seethed, his blue veins dulling slowing with their magical light. Merrill felt as his strange magic vanish. Whatever powerful force had taken control, was now leaving

"I-Anders, what did you do…?" Karl spoke, though his voice no longer far away. "It's like… you brought a piece of the Fade into this world."

_Pretty much sums up how it felt. Not so much a piece though, as more a doorway, or perhaps a window._

Anders looked to Karl, pain and confusion prominent on his face. Hawke attached his bow, then with a frown approached both Anders and Karl.

"I thought the Tranquil were cut off from the Fade, forever." He said, matter-of-factly. "I for one, am curious what you did. Not the Fade part, the angry-glowing bit."

Merrill had to supress her giggle. She was curious how Hawke was able to find such odd and even frightening events, somewhat amusing. Or at least, make them seem amusing.

_Marethari did tell me I would guide one with a light within their heart. Perhaps this is what she meant. I wonder how he can find such humour in so many things though, he seems so serious and yet so amused. _

"When you're Tranquil, you never think on your life before…" Karl rubbed his tiny sun mark. "But… it's like the Fade itself is inside Anders. Burning… like a sun."

"I have… some unique circumstances, yes." Anders seemed awkward and tried to avoid looking fully at Hawke. "But, Karl, what happened? How did they get you?"

"The Templars here are far more vigilant then in Ferelden. They found a letter I was writing you…" Karl looked away, saddened. "You cannot imagine it, Anders. All the colour, all the music in the world, gone…"

Hawke looked away, clearly uncomfortable with hearing these things. Merrill wondered why, but then it came to her. This was his worst fear, having Bethany endure this fate. Merrill felt her heart break for her friend. Anders, however, looked like he would burst into blue flames once more.

"I would gladly give up my magic, but this? I'll never be whole again…" Karl's eyes watered.

"You poor man…" Merrill murmured. She felt her heart break once again for the broken man before them.

"Please, kill me before I forget again!" Karl near begged. "I don't know how you brought it back, but it's fading…"

"Karl… no…" Anders voice cracked slightly.

"Perhaps we can help him?" Hawke sounded almost desperate. "Maybe there is a cure?"

"Can you cure a beheading?" Anders snapped. "The dreams of Tranquil mages are severed… there is nothing left of then to fix…" his eyes lowered.

Hawke's face twisted into something that resembled physical pain, he looked over to the statue of golden woman. His jaw clenched with supressed rage.

"I would rather die a mage, than live as a Templar puppet." Karl stated with pride and defiance. Merrill could see his eyes begin to dull, the change was already happening.

"My sister calls being made Tranquil a fate worse than death…" Hawke said, though to whom it wasn't certain. "Give him peace." He looked to Anders, eyes filled with pleading.

Anders looked to Hawke, something sparked in his eyes. Merrill thought he looked touched, even for a moment, with the concern and passion Hawke showed. It was the same look Merrill gave him when he had admitted blood magic had helped him, when he had shrugged off the others concerns and simply trusted Merrill's judgement. It was a look of gratitude for someone trying to understand.

"I got here too late…" Anders finally said as he turned to Karl. "I'm sorry Karl… I'm so sorry…"

"Now! It's fading…" Merrill averted her eyes in pain as the grey consumed the man's eyes once more. "Why do you look at me like that?" his voice was once again distant.

Merrill turned her back towards the others. She couldn't stand to watch, not anymore. She closed her eyes. This is what the Chantry did? Broke people, changed them, just because they were born with magic.

_And that Chantry claimed our ways to be barbaric…Sinful._

She could hear footsteps from behind. Anders sighed through pained breath, he spoke quietly, though Merrill still could hear him.

"Goodbye…"

And then, a gasp as a blade met with flesh. Merrill's eyes clenched shut further. Then, a thud as a body fell to stone. She hoped she would feel the Beyond open up to welcome this man with open arms, as it did with the fallen Templars. She felt nothing, only sadness and a feeling of emptiness. This man, died long before the blade. She wondered what became of his soul.

"We should leave, before more Templars come…" Anders pained voice sounded as he rushed past Merrill.

She slowly opened her eyes. Merrill watched in sadness as the broken mage stormed out of the Chantry. The elf wished she could have said something to make the pain go away. But no words were designed for such a miracle.

"Are you…alright?" a large gloved hand gently hovered over Merrill's shoulder. Unsure whether or not to land. Hawke's voice sounded both concerned and confused. She wondered why.

"Yes, I am fine." She turned to him. "Do you think Anders will be okay?"

"I-I am not sure." Hawke's eyes followed after him. "We should move on though."

Merrill nodded, then proceeded to follow Hawke and Varric out of the Chantry. They needed to move with haste, it wouldn't take long before their presence was made known.

…

Hawke stormed through Darktown, with a stubborn fury that Merrill had yet to see the normally calm rogue display. Varric was almost laughing as he kept an even pace, leaving some distance between him and the possibly dangerous Hawke.

Merrill couldn't help but wonder why Hawke was no longer concerned with being unseen. Although, compared to some of the other people she noticed skulking about the place, Hawke was probably the least suspicious.

"Varric?" she looked down to her near grinning friend. "How did Darktown gets its name, it wasn't that dark during the day. It is now, but it's night time, so that is to be expected."

"Well Daisy, the locals named it such because, and I say this with complete seriousness… it's a hole."

"A hole?" Merrill looked around, it wasn't as nice as the other places in Kirkwall definitely. There was also an odd smell she couldn't quite put her finger on. But it didn't seem 'hole-like'.

"A hole. In the sense that this place is a squalor filled with low lives and crooks, but it is also literally a hole. You know why we had to take the pulley down?"

"Because this is bellow Lowtown?"

"That's right… Have you ever heard of a 'sewer'?"

"Yeah, that's where…" She crinkled her nose up, unsure why the topic came to this. "Err, waste goes."

"Well, sewers run beneath a city. Which is where we are…"

Merrill instantly looked down to the earth in disgust. Suddenly she was able to place a name to that Creator awful stench. She instantly wished beyond all else, her shoes had soles.

"You don't mean…" she said with possibly false hope.

"Well, only part of it. Most Darktowners only squat in areas cut off from the main sewer line. Right now, we aren't in real danger of catching some nasty disease. Still, wouldn't eat my lunch down here."

Merrill couldn't help but hate herself for asking. She looked onward to the still stomping Hawke, anything to distract her from her surroundings.

Finally, he reached his destination. Anders clinic. With both rage and annoyance, Hawke barged through the doors and marched right up to the now pacing Anders.

"So, let me guess!" He snapped, causing Anders to turn with a fright. "This is the part where you tell me you're an abomination?"

"Tactful, Hawke." Varric chuckled as he and Merrill followed close behind.

"What happened back there, I think you owe us that much." Hawke crossed his arms, he used that voice asserting he would get what he wanted.

"You're wrong." Anders shook his head slightly. "But, not far wrong. I… this is hard to explain. When I was in Amaranthine, I met a spirit of Justice who was trapped outside the Fade…"

Hawke's eyes narrowed as he listened, but he said nothing. Anders continued.

"We became friends. And he recognized the injustice that mages in Thedas face every day."

Merrill's ears perked up. Anders had spoken to a spirit, had he made some deal with him? That would make sense, given how immense his power surge was. Regardless, Merrill had found another mage, one who would surely understand her cause. Someone who wouldn't judge her actions.

"And that's… different than a demon?" Hawke's voice was uncertain.

"Just as demon's prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are good spirits who embody our virtues. Spirits of compassion, fortitude… Justice…"

Merrill's eyes lit up. She had no doubt in her mind Anders would be understanding, and might have been able to help her.

"They are the Maker's first children, and they have all but given up on us."

"I guess…" Hawke rubbed his neck. "If this is true, this spirit sounds like a useful friend to have."

Merrill couldn't help but smile at Hawke. Of course he would be compassionate and understanding towards this, just as he had with Merrill.

"He was far better to me than I have been to him." Anders looked to Hawke, studied him almost. "To live outside the Fade, he needed a host… I offered to help him…"

Both Merrill and Hawke's eyes grew. The realisation sunk in. Anders wasn't working with a spirit… he was carrying one. Even Merrill knew willingly allowing a spirit, or demon, into one's mind and body was not only a dangerous risk, it was also a permanent one.

"We were going to work together, bring justice to every child ever ripped away from his mother to be sent to the Circle. But… I guess I had too much anger. Once he was inside me, he… changed."

"Well, of course he would." Merrill murmured to herself. "A spirit takes on that which makes it stronger. He would have fed on the virtues that drew him to you-"

"Who are you to judge me?" Anders voice echoed. "I saw what magic you used at the Chantry… I know what you are!"

"I wasn't…" Merrill lowered her head in embarrassment.

She hadn't meant offense, but that wasn't what caused her to avert her eyes. She had thought she found a mage who would not only understand, but maybe help her. Maybe they could have worked together. But clearly, Anders was not as understanding as she hoped.

"Watch your tone." Hawke's eyes narrowed. "No one here is passing judgement on another. So let me get this straight, you have this… spirit, of justice, living inside your head?"

"It's not like that." Anders calmed as he focused on Hawke, his echoing tone gone. Merrill wondered if only she could hear it. "He's gone now. He's part of me. It's not like we can… have a conversation. I feel his thoughts as my own. Not even the greatest scholar could tell you where I end and he begins."

_Well, that explains his voice and eyes… I wonder why only I can sense the change. Is it my own connection with a spirit? _

Anders and Hawke continued to speak, though Merrill barely heard them. Her mind was elsewhere, calculating and attempting to think of ways she could use her connection with the Fade. Perhaps there would be some way to bring it out, open a door, just as Anders did. If she could do that, there might be a chance to restore the connection broken within the mirror's shard. Replace the once intact bridge to the Beyond.

"Can Justice ever be separated from you?" Hawke asked, with curiosity in his voice.

Merrill couldn't help but shake her head. Even she knew this was not possible. A willing host would be harder to break the connection between spirit and body. It is hard enough as it is to prevent a demonic entity from taking full control over a mage.

"I don't think so. There are rumours such a feat had be accomplished in Redcliffe, but I doubt I have resources they did." Anders looked down uncomfortably. "The only definite way a spirit has ever been separated from a living host is by its death. The curses of my own making. All I can do now is hope to control it."

"And can you control it?" Hawke scratched his chin in thought. "Can you bring him out at will?"

Merrill couldn't help but be slightly curious about that as well. But, she was certain it would be no different than a possession by a demon. If anything, Anders would only be able to control himself. And they had bared witness to how ineffective even that was.

"No. He comes out only when I've lost all power over myself. It's a madness, a frenzy. I only find out after what I might have done."

_Just as I have suspected, then. Mythal… this poor man must have been desperate to ever consider such a permanent arrangement. And people believe me to be the foolish one, I am still able to create a barrier between my own mind and a demons influence. We are not one, and I can stop anytime I need to._

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Hawke shook his head in disbelief. "It all seems too much for one man to handle."

Merrill smiled to Hawke once again. Of course he would be concerned over a mage he had only just met.

"You're the first one I've ever told this… thank you for not running away." For the first time since Hawke had helped the mage, Anders actually looked grateful. "My maps are yours. As am I, if you wish me to join your expedition. I thought I was done with the Grey Wardens, but if you have any need of me… I will be waiting here."

Grey Wardens. Merrill suddenly remembered what Hawke had mentioned to her, Anders might have information on the Hero of Ferelden. On the suspected Dalish elf called Mahariel. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it. For some reason, she found speaking with this Anders rather nerve racking.

"While I am here," Hawke half turned and flashed Merrill a smile. "This is my friend, Merrill." He nodded towards the stunned elf, Anders looked to her slightly confused. "As a Grey Warden, we were wondering if you ever met the Hero of Ferelden?"

_He remembered. Not only did he listen to what I said, but he actually remembered. _

"I did." Anders nodded, a slight smile spreading to his stoic face. "He was a good friend of mine actually. I owe him my life. Twice over, in fact."

"Is it… is it true he is Dalish?" Merrill's eyes lifted to meet with Anders. "Named Mahariel?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Anders nodded. "He told me he is one of the few Warden's alive that are Dalish. He spoke of what an honour it was to show the world what his people were made of."

Merrill couldn't help but smile. This sounded just like Caldir. A man of his people, any of his achievements he would have seen as one that belonged to the Dalish.

"Was his first name Caldir? Did he have black hair, green eyes, and a smile that sort of radiated with confidence?" Merrill spoke before thinking. She blushed as she realised how obsessed she must have sounded. Hawke simply smiled kindly to her.

"Well, confidence is one way to put it." Anders chuckled. "He called it his 'arrogant smirk'."

Merrill's grin widened, her eyes twinkled with slight tears. That was no doubt in her mind, Caldir Mahariel of the Sabrae clan. Her heart ached with relief.

_He is alive. Alive and safe._

"Do you know him?" Anders asked with a raised eyebrow, no doubt curious to Merrill's reaction.

"We grew up together." She continued to grin. "He was one of my clan."

"Ah." Anders nodded. "He spoke fondly of his clan. He and Valena would speak often of their previous lives. Then they would talk all elfy and I would drift off."

The mage chuckled, something about his personality shifted. He was no longer the angry and sad man Merrill felt sorry for. He seemed happy, or at least content.

"I… I keep hoping to hear some news…" Merrill's eyes fell. Why hadn't Caldir attempted to contact their clan?

She knew Ashalle had left some time ago to find news on what happened to her adopted son. Merrill wished more than the world to leave with her, but the Keeper ordered Merrill to remain. The only news that ever reached the clan of what transpired after the Blight were rumours the Dalish were being granted land of their own. Something none of the clan took serious, an obviously sick joke.

"I'm sure you will soon." Anders tried to smile reassuringly. "The Commander was always elbow deep in duties at the Keep. He took his role rather seriously."

Merrill nodded. It didn't reassure her. She had hoped knowing he lived would be enough to settle her aching heart. It seemed even that was not enough.

"_Ma serannas_." Merrill tried to smile at the Warden. Anders nodded.

"If there is nothing else, I should probably get back to my patients."

Hawke thanked Anders and he and the others took their leave. Merrill walked slowly behind. Her mind a thousand miles away. Maybe her beloved Mahariel didn't need her help anymore. She sighed, a year had passed since they parted ways. No doubt, he had moved on. Perhaps, it was time for her to try the same. She needed to focus, her only priority had to be restoring the Eluvian.

"Are you…Uh, I mean…?" Merrill hadn't noticed Hawke had slowed in pace. "That's good to hear about your friend." He awkwardly tiptoed around the issue.

"Yes, it is." Merrill smiled. "Thank you, for remembering to ask him. _Ma Serannas_, Jasper."

He smiled, then nodded. The remainder of the walk back to the Alienage, Hawke allowed Merrill to think in peace. Varric offered drinks to celebrate acquiring the map, but both Merrill and Hawke politely declined. It had been a long evening.

_And tomorrow will be even longer._

Merrill fished from her pocket the mirror piece she kept at all times. She held it tightly, hoping somehow it would restore her certainty. As she held the shard, a slithery voice whispered reassurance into her ear. She nodded as the voice reminded her this was all for her people. She quickly dismissed the voice though, recalling its sinister origin. She wasn't so foolish to allow such things to snake into her mind.

Regardless though, Merrill needed to persist. She needed to help, even in her small way, to restore her lost culture.


End file.
